Someone brought up this topic.. and I'm having a hard time deciding. Well. There are a couple things that make my stomach hurt, which usually means jealousy or some sort of frustration.
I'm jealous that she got to experience the birth of his first born with him. Whenever we get pregnant- very far away from now, I'm scared that he won't be as excited because he's been through it once before. My good friend is pregnant with her first baby, and it's really fun to see her husbands emotions, because it's something he's never experienced, so they are lost together. Is it going to be old news by the time we decide to have kids? I have no reason to believe that, because he is great, but it's a fear of mine.
#2 I know he loves me, he wouldn't have chosen to spend his life with me if that wasn't the case- but I'm jealous he takes care of her.
She has money problems, she works in a bar, and he has a responsibility as a dad to make sure that his child is taken care of- so he bears ALOT of the financial burden. Daycare, clothes, BM's car insurance. etc. etc. She lived in his old house for free-
all that is fine, I get it. I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to feel about it. Am I supposed to be completely understanding? Mad?Jealous? I don't know any other women that are in this boat.. I prefer not to know all the specifics of the $$.. but I really should be aware. right?
I'm just totally confused. While i think he should do it, isn't it also enabling her? But what is he supposed to do- let her struggle knowing that his daughter is there 3x a week?
This transition sucks. It gets me really emotional, and on top of that I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about it because I don't want to offend the people I'm spending the rest of my life with.
They are completely worth all these emotions, it's just kind of a bonus- you want fries with that? Well you don't have a choice- here are the fries.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey there, just came across your blog. And, I'm reading all of it because I relate to just about all of it. :) I just wanted to comment here on something that I remind myself of a lot. Yes, he has had the pregnancy/first birth experience with the baby's mom. HOWEVER, you two have not had that experience together. So, it will be a first! I expressed that same fear to my guy (that it wouldn't be exciting for him to do things that he has already done--such as marriage, baby, buying a house together, etc.), and he is the one who pointed out that, yes, he has had some of those experiences, but they will be (and are) firsts all over again when he and I do them together.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any help for #2 (I'm, luckily, not in that position where my guy has to financially support his ex-wife). However, I think your feelings are more than valid. The behavior is enabling her, and you should be aware of it because it'll affect you and your money as well (especially if she needs more in the future as things get more expensive). Your guy is lucky that you are so understanding about it (I wouldn't be!). I should probably disclose here that I feel very strongly about the money issues that revolve around these situations. I have no patience for adults who don't take steps to stand on their own financially and depend on someone that they should no longer depend on.
Thanks for blogging! It always helps me to think out my own stuff when I realize how many others are out there going through the same emotions and situations. :)
Kathleen